The Fine Print

It's time to review some of those "possible" side effects that are often associated with being a pageant contestant.

• Unexpected removal problems of fake eye lash experiments may lead to late arrival to work in the morning.
• Keeping lotion on hand 24/7 because of a last-ditch effort for Silky Smooth Skin may lead to multiple explosions and/or leaks at inconvenient times on inconvenient items.
• Busy-ness surrounding multiple work-outs, grocery shopping, fitting appointments, etc., may lead to forgetfulness in important matters such as packing a bra for a 2 1/2 day business trip.
• Packing for multiple workouts for a 2 1/2 day business trip, while also wearing workout clothes more often, may lead to having obnoxiously bright-colored sports-bras on hand to wear in case packing issues may occur.
• Some situations may cause you to seriously consider the social acceptability of either bright sports-bra visibility or "nothing at all" in a business meeting setting.
• Having an abundance of protein powder on hand may inadvertently lead to a second career in (illegal) individual serving sales.
• Discussing macro-nutrient breakdowns of your diet with a baby-boomer, especially revealing the amount of (healthy) fat you may be taking in, may cause them to wrongfully deduce this means an increase in potato chip consumption.
• Bedtime dreams may or may not reveal subconscious fears about stage-readiness; each dream will most likely involve the only stage you have ever been on, including small-town high school gym stages.
• Adding a few two-a-day workouts a week may cause you to seriously consider the importance of showering.  Even on a work day.
• On Day One of a more strict diet plan, you may spend an inordinate amount of thought on What Really Is Your Favorite Dessert that you will be eating in 6 days?
• Stomach pain may or may not result after a rapid fire consumption of a 16 oz bottle of water that you added a sugar-free Crystal Lite mix to, it being filled with aspartame and therefore making it the sweetest thing you've eaten in 4 days.

Now, if you ever consider anything similar to pageantry, you have been warned.