Friday, October 29, 2010

The Fine Print

It's time to review some of those "possible" side effects that are often associated with being a pageant contestant.
  • Unexpected removal problems of fake eye lash experiments may lead to late arrival to work in the morning.
  • Keeping lotion on hand 24/7 because of a last-ditch effort for Silky Smooth Skin may lead to multiple explosions and/or leaks at inconvenient times on inconvenient items.
  • Busy-ness surrounding multiple work-outs, grocery shopping, fitting appointments, etc., may lead to forgetfulness in important matters such as packing a bra for a 2 1/2 day business trip.
  • Packing for multiple workouts for a 2 1/2 day business trip, while also wearing workout clothes more often, may lead to having obnoxiously bright-colored sports-bras on hand to wear in case packing issues may occur.
  • Some situations may cause you to seriously consider the social acceptability of either bright sports-bra visibility or "nothing at all" in a business meeting setting.
  • Having an abundance of protein powder on hand may inadvertently lead to a second career in (illegal) individual serving sales.
  • Discussing macro-nutrient breakdowns of your diet with a baby-boomer, especially revealing the amount of (healthy) fat you may be taking in, may cause them to wrongfully deduce this means an increase in potato chip consumption.
  • Bedtime dreams may or may not reveal subconscious fears about stage-readiness; each dream will most likely involve the only stage you have ever been on, including small-town high school gym stages.
  • Adding a few two-a-day workouts a week may cause you to seriously consider the importance of showering.  Even on a work day.
  • On Day One of a more strict diet plan, you may spend an inordinate amount of thought on What Really Is Your Favorite Dessert that you will be eating in 6 days?
  • Stomach pain may or may not result after a rapid fire consumption of a 16 oz bottle of water that you added a sugar-free Crystal Lite mix to, it being filled with aspartame and therefore making it the sweetest thing you've eaten in 4 days.
Now, if you ever consider anything similar to pageantry, you have been warned.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


One of the things I’ve had to submit recently was my “profile,” which consisted of a few questions, one of which being  - What is your favorite quote?
So I thought it was a great opportunity, since I don’t really have a Favorite, favorite, to really pick out a good quote that I love that not a lot of people have heard.  So…you’ll have to wait for my real (much shorter) answer till the pageant of course, but here was the runner up:
“To a great extent, the level of any civilization is the level of its womanhood.  When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her.  The higher her virtue, the more her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her…” – Bishop Fulton Sheen
This is one of my favorite quotes, and especially for this situation, because a) it speaks about the value of a virtuous woman, b) pageants are all about “womanhood”, c) a man said the quote, d) women need to hear things like this every once-in-a-while to remember our influence, d) I think it also goes both ways… “better men” in society will also lead to “better women”, e) this has a lot to do with what I am “standing for” in this pageant…what is true womanhood, what is true beauty, etc. 
There was also a good quote I almost chose relating to this from Proverbs 31:30… “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”  I think keeping our “beauty” in perspective of our other strengths, virtues, values, etc. is one of the key ingredients to real beauty.
And a key ingredient to real womanhood?  Respectable Undergarments.  So I went over to the house of this lady, as sweet and innocent as my grandmother….wait, I mean I went over to the house of this lady as sweet as my grandmother and also innocent, (you know what I'm talking about, Grandma), to get my evening gown fitted.  She brought me in to her sewing room and without a blink, said “Ok let’s put your dress on.”  I said, “umm, just right here?”  She replied, “Yup. Don’t worry – nobody’s home.”   I mean…ok.   Pretending like this was standard protocol, I got to business.  And literally as my skirt hit the floor I thanked God and my Mother for teaching me to wear respectable underwear.  Let's be serious...there is more than one worst-case scenario floating around in your heads right now.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Dancing With The Former Miss Arizona 2011

So a few months ago a peer coach of mine suggested I write out a list of 100 reasons I want to be Miss Arizona, because I was lacking some motivation at the time.  I came up with about 52 reasons (and called it good), but it was a great experience!  It’s a great way to get down to the real core of why you want to do something, and I suggest it to anyone who needs a little help with motivation.  I am often at the gym thinking of some of these list items when I am wondering why the heck I have to do another set of bent over dumbell rear delts at this ungodly hour.

Anyway, I recently thought of reason #53:  I really want to be on Dancing with the Stars someday.  I mean, I love, LOVE, this show.  I used to think it was pretty lame, a sort of old-fashioned show for the “older” crowd who wish TV was the way it used to be, like the Carol Burnett Show or something.  Well, I guess I was sucked in for two reasons this season, #1 being Bristol Palin, a “non-celebrity” celebrity who I admire a lot for her PSA ad about teen pregnancy ; and #2 because my second boyfriend, Kurt Warner, is on too!  Yes yes I’m a little narcissistic with 2 trainers, 2 boyfriends..ANYWAY,  I just can’t stop watching the show and wishing I was on it.  As Joel can testify, even the night we met we were out dancing and I asked him to do my – as he calls it – “signature move,” saying “hey, can you Twirl me please?”  Ooh the twirl..

So, just another reason to get my butt in the gym in the morning….after my reign as Miss AZ, I will be writing a very convincing letter to DWTS to invite me on the 2012 season.  Here goes nothin!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Better Hair

So I left a message with my fav hair salon yesterday asking if they'd be interested in sponsoring me.  For salons this means, you know, free stuff.  I said I was thinking nails and maybeee Hair Extensions.  If anyone has seen Chris Rock's documentary "Good Hair" you know where this is going.

So I got a call back already this morning (unheard of!) and spoke with the most upbeat salon manager ever.  He was so great, said they'd love to sponsor me, take care of everything, and asked me to come in and talk about it.  So...three hours later I went in and talked about the pageant, what I could use from them, advertising that they'd get, etc., and he sent me over to an extensions consult.  Before he did that, he said he had to go and talk to the owner of the salon to talk about what they could offer me.  (Uh oh)

And this is the part where I am constantly digging from my backpack of Life Skills I've learned at Maggie's Place.  Life Skill #18: Keeping a Straight Face. 

So near the end of the conversation, incredibly nice and unassuming Hair Extensions girl says that the salon decided they can help me with 20% of the cost.  At this point, all has been lost...I've seen "Good Hair" twice now, I knew what was coming, and my intention was to find a way to do this for free or not at all.  But I had to ask anyway.  "So how much would this cost?" I asked.  And in the sweetest, matter-of-fact voice she replied "$895 dollars."

Un-zip the backpack
where is it
where is it
there it is

Straight Face.

Holy ?*@T!  People actually pay this amount of money every day, for hair.  "Better Hair" that is, not just Hair...because most of us all have hair right?!  Now you may be wondering, Kristin why were you so intersted in hair extensions anyway?  They are so inauthentic, fake, yada yada yada.  Well I've seen enough pictures of winners of pageants in the past 6 months to make me realize that long hair is iiiiiinnnnnn.  And for those of you who witnessed a traumatic hair cut last summer, you will understand how much I desire and miss my long hair in the first place.  So I thought, what the heck, right?  Wrong.

And now magically my hair looks longer in the mirror already.  I am very grateful for my hair, for the money in my bank account no matter how much or how little there is, and for my values and boundaries keeping me sane in a sometimes insane world.  

I mean, Eight Hundred and Ninety-Five Dollars!

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Pageant Prep

So..Whatever does it take to compete for a pageant? 

Let me tell you.

1.  Dating a professional “trainer”.  Then hiring a second one.  A girl can’t have too many men calculating her body fat % right? (Just kidding..Joel only did that once, after a nagging request by me). 

So what does this really mean?  This means much more purpose (and weight training!) to my workouts, which means early to bed, early to rise, spending time on YouTube looking up the new workouts my (hired) trainer “prescribes”, which actually means…a little hard work and a lot of fun!  A specific goal makes working out more enjoyable for me, which was one of the reasons I decided to do this crazy thing anyway…a fun way to shoot for a new goal.  Call me crazy.

The less fun part: food journals emailed weekly.  Yuk.  I just want a dessert everyday.  With a scoop of peanut butter on top.  Whats so wrong with that?!  Well I haven’t cut those out Completely (let’s be real), but that doesn’t mean I don’t have in my possession rediculously space-consuming 5 lb containers of both Vanilla and Chocolate protein.  Oh and a little 2 lb one of "Cinnemon Roll" for breakfast!  Upside:  Well I could sing the song of body-transforming benefits of upping one’s protein intake throughout the day, but let’s get to the real benefit: apparently joining the Protein Powder Club is “a turn on” for some.  I won’t name names.

2.  Paying more attention to fashion, hair, make-up, etc.  Usually this is already on a girl’s list, however I guess it takes a little thing called a Pageant to get on mine.  So to my stylists Lisa, Chariti, Kim… and make-up and hair consultant Joni Laree…THANK YOU!

3.  Formulating my "WHO" (coachspeak); Paying even more attention to news, current events, etc.  No repeating the Pageant Contestant stereotype here.  This also includes some soul searching and critical thinking…formulating concrete yet malleable opinions, brainstorming ideas, knowing what I believe, knowing why I believe it, etc.  This will definitely be a lifelong process for me, and in my opinion, should be on everyone’s list.

4.  Finding sponsors…this is not a free gig!  There’s the hefty contestant fee, plus everything that goes along with it….The studded and flow-y Evening Gown; The Swimsuit that will both cover and enhance…well things that need covering and “enhancing” (lets be real again.  I love my body, but in competition?  Another story.)  The trendy-yet-classy-but-not-too-business-y Interview Outfit; The Shoes;  The appropriate Jewelry for each; The extra hair and make-up Stuff I do not already own; The Tan; The Elmer’s Spray Glue; The extra Training advice…Yup I think that about covers it.  So….Thank you so much to my generous Friends and Sponsors who have helped so far!!!  I seriously could not be doing this without you!              

5.   Practicing, practicing, practicing.  Practice walking right, standing right, sitting right (hello exercise ball turned office chair), walking in Heals, experimenting with make-up, experimenting with hair…etc. etc.  I told Joel he has to take me out to fancy places every weekend now so I can practice the heals, make-up, hair, etc….hmm..maybe THIS is why I signed up for this.

So – all in all this has shaped up to be a pretty fun journey towards an interesting and fun new goal.  I can’t wait to see what the next 6 weeks brings!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

6 Weeks To Go!

So I remember around my high school graduation everyone talking about, referencing, or receiving as a gift the Dr. Seuss’s book, “Oh the Places You’ll Go!”  Beyond the cliché, I can honestly say my wildest 18-year-old imagination did not do the last 7 years of my life justice.  Some adventures I've taken thus far: Driving my Explorer Sport around the country; Living in a foreign country; Building a house in a slum in Mexico; Interning in Washington DC; Farming with my dad; um..Maggie's Place anyone?; Cutting an umbilical cord; Running a half marathon; Becoming a Life Coach
Next on my list: Wear a bikini, heels, and Elmer’s spray glue on a stage while being judged on physical fitness.  Otherwise known as the Miss Arizona USA Pageant.  So of course this isn’t the most important part of the pageant (though some may argue)…let’s be serious, it will definitely be the toughest part.  For me anyway, and any other normal human being.  So that’s on the table. 
So for those of you interested in following this exploration and development of self, adventure, and complaints about the lack of sweets in my life…come on board!  I’d love your support, comments, questions, suggestions, and everything in between. 
Q: When is the pageant?
A: November 19-21.  The 20th and 21st will be open to the public in Mesa, AZ.  Stay tuned for more details!

Q: Can I come watch??
A: I would love for you to come!  It will be in Mesa at the Mesa Arts Center.  Ticket information is not yet available…I’ll let you know as soon as I know!  Witty T-shirts will most likely be involved. 

Q: What is your talent?
A: Being Awesome.  (Thanks Joel)  So, there is no talent portion for this competition..

Q: Why isn’t there a talent portion?
A:  Miss USA pageants have no talent portion, Miss America pageants do.

Q: What is the difference between Miss USA and Miss America pageants?
A: In a nutshell:  Miss USA (my affiliate) is owned by Trump; the winner of the state pageants go on to Miss USA, the winner of that goes on to Miss Universe.  From what I’ve heard, most of these contestants have never been in a pageant before (i.e. me).  There is no talent or “platform” needed.  There are just the Interview, Swimsuit, and Evening Gown competitions.

Miss America pageants are owned by..I have no idea..and leading up to the state pageants are many preliminary pageants; I’ve heard most of these girls have done 1 if not many other pageants; They have a platform and also a Talent competition along with the Interview, Swimsuit, and Evening Gown competitions.

Q: What are you doing to prepare?
A: Well you’re going to have to read my blog.

Q: Why do you want to do this crazy pageant?
A: See previous.