Dakota's Birth Story

Well well well, look who decided to make an appearance.

Ahem.

It's been a while, eh?  At any rate, I am glad you are here.  I'm glad to BE here. We have a lot to catch up on, so I thought I'd start with a story. 

A BIRTH story.  In some ways very similar to the birth of Mia, and in many ways, different. Here goes.

{The way I tell a birth story, personal details are included. Continue at your own risk! :) }

Me and all my glory, about 37 weeks pregnant

I had decided fairly early on in this pregnancy that I wanted to try using a midwifery practice for my prenatal care + birth, vs. a standard OBGYN.  I really liked my OB, but with my crunchy friendships rubbing off on me (ha) and my continued desire to go for another natural, unmedicated birth, I went with the midwives at Bethany Womens Center.  I really liked them!

Some other interesting notations:
--We did not know the sex of the baby (so hard! and exciting!)
--Mia, 2 yrs 2 months, was SO ExCITED about the baby coming. She had some serious baby fever. We were almost just as excited to see Mia meet her new brother or sister, as we were to meet him/her ourselves.

Playing with her favorite little baby at our cousin's house, just before her sister was born.

So...Midwife appointment on Tuesday, July 7th, 39 weeks pregnant, I decided to let them check me to see if anything was happening.  I turned out to be about 1-2 cm dilated, +2 (which was a little crazy), and the head was posterior.  They told me to go home and do a lot of hands-and-knees positions to get the baby to flip.  I was a little nervous and went home and read the spinning babies website about 10 times over...from on my hands and knees position on the floor.

I had been having irregular braxton hicks contractions for a few weeks now, which was different than with Mia - with her I had zero BH contractions.

I decided to go to my chiropractor to see if that might help with the baby's position.  I didn't get an appointment until Thursday morning, but after I was adjusted I felt hopeful that it would help. After Mia's nap that afternoon, I took her to the Biltmore outdoor shopping mall and even though it was super hot, we walked around under the misters spraying us with that glorious mist, and I walked and walked and walked, and I felt a bunch of BH contractions. After that we went home and during dinner I thought it seemed like the contractions were getting more regular.  I thought it was something to note, but I didn't get my hopes up.  I DID get some things in order, just in case, including recording and posting a podcast episode - which funny enough was of me reading Mia's birth story.

I went to bed at about 11 pm that night, but couldn't sleep at all through the contractions.  I kept track of their timing and noted they were between 7-15 minutes apart.  At every contraction I felt the urge, whether it was mentally because I thought it would help, or my body was telling me physically, to get on my hands and knees. 

After sleeping from 1-3am I was back up with the contractions, same story, 7-15 minutes apart, never more, never less.

When Joel woke up for the day on Friday I told him what was going on and we both decided he should probably stay home from work.  If nothing else, I was going to need help with Mia since I got only 2 hours of sleep and who knew what was going to happen with the contractions.

I slept one more time that day from 10am-noon, which was either due to my body letting up on the contractions or me just sleeping through them.

As the afternoon wore on, I was beginning to realize that I wasn't really able to talk through the contractions and I vaguely remembered in my childbirth class from before Mia was born that it was a sign they were probably real contractions.  I remember specifically needing to stop in the middle of reading a book to Mia to breathe through a contraction, and made a mental note of it but just kept on.

I had spoken with my doula Laura earlier that day about what was going on and she told me that, of course, it could be 2 hours, or 12 hours, or a whole week of this type of thing, and to just keep getting as much rest as possible.  

Honestly, that was not really the news I wanted to hear, no matter how true it was.  I hoped and hoped and prayed it would not be a week of this! 

Before dinner that evening we had a great time sitting outside on our front lawn as the sun set and the heat let up.  Contractions continued the exact same, 7-15 minutes, no talking during. We chatted with our neighbors, and even got some ice cream from the ice cream truck! I was sooo excited about the ice cream sundae cone my neighbor bought for me, I don't even want to TELL you that my husband ate it a week later, thinking I had forgotten about it. Which I did. Until I didn't.  And then it wasn't there.  
#husbandfail
#justsayin

#moving on

At 9pm that night I was getting a tiny bit exhausted.  And by a tiny bit, I mean, break-down-crying-mode.  I posted in my close mama friends' Facebook group that I was getting disheartened by this, (and got so much encouragement from them!) expecting to not sleep again that night with the possibility that this could go on for days.  I was so mentally and physically tired, and the contractions were getting worse.  It is so funny as I look back on it now, how obvious it was that labor was progressing.  Joel even tried to explain it to me, reminding me of all the signs that it seemed like it was progressing.  But it just didn't click in the moment. I think I was just trying to prepare myself for the long haul, just in case.

So we went to bed about 10pm and same thing as the night before, no sleep was had.  However, I did start to feel a little different.  It felt like something was churning inside me, and honestly I was hoping for a BM, knowing that that would also be a sign of progression and getting closer to the finish line.  After some 7 minute contractions, I was so relieved when I had to get up out of bed to have a BM.  

It was 1:00am.  I went to the bathroom, and after I was finished I immediately had a strong contraction.  I stayed in the bathroom and leaned against the tub on my knees, and when it was over I waited a few minutes to get back up, but wait! 4 minutes later, another hard contraction.  And then another one 4 minutes later. and then another 4 minutes later.  and then a 5th contraction, exactly 4 minutes later and I'm all like WHAAT?
We're at 4 Minutes???  But I was going to go to the hospital when they were 5 minutes apart. Are we already at 4 minutes apart? Surely this isn't happening.

I went back to bed, still leaving Joel to sleep since he was more useful to me well-rested and I really didn't feel like I needed him with the actual labor yet.  But I told myself, if there is a 6th contraction at 4 minutes apart, I better wake him, aaaannnndddd we should probably get going.

So I laid in bed and sure enough, 4 minutes and the 6th one came. And of course I thought that during this contraction would be a good time to tell him about it so I woke him up with my heavy breathing and whisper-yelling his name.  He was totally dazed at what was going on.  I told him I thought we needed to call our doula and see if we should go in.  Just as he dialed the phone and tried handing it to me, I was realizing that I was having a contraction on top of my previous contraction (no break), and I thought I was going to throw up so I crawled over to the garbage can and stuck my head inside. 

So Joel is on the phone with the doula, it's 1:30, trying his hardest to explain what was going on, with much some back-and-forth about if we should go in or not. (You see I have this thing, where I hate being of any trouble to people, so I sometimes do irrational things. Like saying maybe I wasn't in labor yet, and maybe she didn't need to come meet us at the hospital just yet, when my contractions were continuously 4 minutes apart and my head was in a trash can.)

So the doula, kind and wise as she is, said it was time to go in, and that she'd meet us at the hospital.

Funny enough, Joel nor I had finished packing our hospital bags yet (cue forehead smack), so we flurried around our room packing up. Joel had called our neighbor who had agreed to watch Mia when we needed to go into the hospital.  (Yes, she's the best.)  

I had a few more contractions (always going back to the floor to be on my hands and knees) while we waited for our neighbor to come over, and then we hit the road.  I was in the back seat so I could continue the hands-and-knees position, and Joel loves to chuckle at the memory of me next to the infant car seat in the back, which had a toy hooked up to it from it's previous tenant, and every couple minutes I would bump it by accident and it would start playing this stuuuupid song.  And even in the moment, we laughed about it just a little bit.

As Joel is pulling into the parking lot at 1:50, he asks if he should drop me off at the front, and I tell him emphatically no, I will be totally fine, and in my head I am thinking I have tons of walking ahead of me, so might as well get some steps in.

Well we park and grab our stuff, and 10 steps in the middle of the parking lot I am hunched over in a contraction, unable to move.  A car even drives in at this point, and it was just like one of those scenes from a movie.  Joel told me he should have dropped me off.

We walk in, another stop to contract, and up to L&D we go.

Laura was already there waiting for us, and wow I realized in that moment how much I needed to see her!  She immediately started rubbing my back in this way that, I swear, only another woman can, and I immediately felt better.  It's like when you're sick and no matter how old you are, you just want your mom to come and take care of you.  That's how I feel about my doula.  She's like my mom, taking care of me like no one else can, in my greatest time of need, with the most knowing and calming touch.

So, I hadn't preregistered (what am I, knew at this???), so I had to go and fill out some crazy stupid paperwork.  And I kid you not, the women checking me in, I swear, had never seen a woman in labor before.   I think it was her first day on the job.  She was chatting away, dilly-dallying, taking her time, asking me to rePEAT myself, all this nonsense and there's me, leaning against her desk having multiple contractions, palms so sweaty they are leaving puddles on her desk, and she doesn't doesn't realize I need to G. O.  GO!, and that I would give her my phone number and correct area code and properly spelled maiden name LATER.  It was so hilarious and frustrating at the same time. I even had to take my photo to put on my arm band, and she waited and waited to take it, waiting for me to smile but then realized I wasn't going to.   HA! I have kept the arm band as charming memorabilia.



So paperwork, correct contact information, and favorite color have been accounted for (etc.) and we move into triage to see where I was at. More contractions come as we wait, and I again feel nauseous and do some dry heaving, which takes me back to memories of Mia's birth, dry heaving within maybe an hour of giving birth to her.  The attending OB comes in and I am so nervous that he is going to inadvertently slow down my labor, but he ends up being the nicest, kindest, gentlest OB ever, telling me a story of the birth of his grand child and totally putting me at ease.  He checks me and I am 8cm (!!!) and I was so relieved!! Oh my goodness, so relieved I had progressed so much and it was (hopefully) near the end.  He said the baby's head was in the correct position, but the neck was tilted up slightly which would probably, he said, make for some extra labor time.

Then it was time to get into our L&D room and again, I was feeling like I needed to get some steps in, but 3 seconds after I stand up and have to stop walking to contract, Joel finally cuts the nonsense and tells me it's time to get a wheelchair and I concede.

We got into our room around 2:40 and quite soon after arriving, I'm already feeling like it's going to be time to push soon.  I told the nurses this, who were busy setting the room set up for labor, but it seemed like nobody really took my word for it except my doula, who is also a newly minted midwife and knew that I probably remember what it felt like to have to push a baby out.

At this point I also felt like I had to pee but I knew I didn't really have to - it was probably all of the pressure I was feeling. Then my water broke, and my midwife and I knew we were super close.

I asked the nurse in the room if she was ready to deliver the baby (since the OB, nor my midwife, were there yet) and she assured me she had done this before.  I was quite annoyed and didn't think she believed me that I was about to push the baby out. Laura immediately grabbed a pair of gloves, preparing to catch a baby if she had to.   Also, the bed wasn't set up for birth, so I'm just laying in the regular ol' hospital bed still!

A minute later, as I'm trying to keep my legs together and keep the baby in so the OB could get there in time, in he came and I started pushing as soon as the next urge came.  It took about 2-3 pushes, and a one-minute stint at the crowning point (owweeee this part hurt much more than with Mia, who was a pound lighter at birth), and she was here!

It all went so fast, nobody including us could really believe it.  It was 3:02am, exactly 2 hours after my contractions sped up to 4 minutes apart and I realized I was in actual labor.







Dakota Therese was 6 lbs, 15 oz.  She looked just like her sister, and I remember thinking it is so weird that she looked the same! The main difference is their eye shape (Mia's are much bigger and rounder), and Dakota's hair is curly. 

She was so sweet, she nursed for about 40 minutes right away, and slept like a champ.  

After that we called our parents, who were just getting up in the Eastern and Central time zones. Everyone (including us) was so surprised she was already here, based on the last experience of the loooong labor over two nights and a day.

When we made it home the next day, Mia finally got to meet her new baby sister...

It has been so fun to see them grow together and love each other!! Mia definitely can't get enough of her sister, always wanting to touch / hold / tackle / steamroll / cuddle / play with her.  And Dakota is understanding more and more where the party is at.  We are having fun with these sweet girls!!

                     

                      

  

A Mother's Blessing

Earlier this week I was honored to be a part of a beautiful ceremony celebrating my friend Sharon. She is a few weeks from giving birth to her second child, and she wanted to do something different than a baby shower this go-around.

So some of her good friends gathered around her and threw her a Mother's Blessing.  (aka. Blessingway)  It was one of the coolest evenings I have ever experienced!  Here is a brief recap of the night in seven {Awesome} quick takes!

And thank you Sharon for letting me use your photos!! :)

1.

The night started with amazing food and great conversation.  Our favorite wine sommelier (everyone needs one of these in your friends group!) poured up some awesome wine and we started the night off right.

2.

Knowing Sharon would love it, we hired a Henna artist to paint a tattoo on Sharon's belly.

You guys. I am not exactly the type to show my bare belly during pregnancy, but I would seriously consider getting a Henna tattoo next time I'm pregnant.  It is just so beautiful!!!!

3.

After we ate, we went outside to this amazing set-up:

4.

We then each lit a candle that we had brought and went around the circle offering encouragement and our favorite things we love about Sharon.

5.

Then we each took a rock and wrote a word on it that we wanted to offer Sharon to think about, or know that we were praying for while she is in labor.  Strength, peace, grace, etc...

6. 

Throughout the ceremony there were beautiful readings from the Bible as well as from the book shown above, Jesus Calling.  Then at the end we did two things - we connected ourselves by one piece of string around our wrists, and then cut it.  We will wear it until she goes into labor.  Then we laid hands on her and prayed.

7.

At the very end of the night we took home the candle we had lit.  We are then going to re-light it when Sharon goes into labor as a reminder for us to think about her and send her positive thoughts and prayers.

You guys, what an amazing night.  I highly recommend doing something similar for any mom you know who is about to give birth.  It can be done so many different ways depending on what kinds of things the mom likes to do.

It was just such a meaningful night for everyone, and while the night was all about Sharon, it really bonded us as fellow mothers and friends.  

It was -- you guessed it --  freaking awesome.

8th bonus and completely shameless take: 

I released the 3rd and final part to the Child Development and Identity podcast series today!  It is an awesome interview, you have to check it out!!!!

In it I interviewed MaryRuth Hackett, a developmental Psychologist and mom of four.  In the 3rd part of the series we talk about how to help instill confidence and a healthy self-esteem in our kids.  We talk about things like body image, family culture, and the importance of the language we use with our kids.

Check it out! :)

...Ahem.  This is part of my current 31 Days of Awesome Kick.

Why I don't use birth control {in an analogy}

If any of you know me very well, you know I am not much of an instigator or a lover of controversy. I like to keep things easy to digest, light-hearted and agreeable to the masses.  For the most part, I think it is very hard to convey emotionally charged ideas in the perfect context, tone, etc. over the internet so I usually avoid it.

I guess today I'm feeling differently.  Maybe it's because I was so annoyed at much of the media's misrepresentation of the Hobby Lobby verdict recently (<< this link is fine, on the other hand).  

Or maybe it's because of Buzzfeed's post on Wednesday that brought the question "why we use birth control" to the table. 

Or maybe it's to join this conversation about why some of us choose not to use birth control.

[Update: Here's another great list from a Buzzfeed Community post!]

At any rate, here I am.  I understand I am probably preaching to the choir since I know many of my readers are in the same boat as me. But here I go anyway.  I just have two huge disclaimers: 

1. I do not think you are a bad person if you use birth control. We are all trying to make the best decisions for ourselves and our families, and decisions around sex are very very very very very personal.  Again.  We Are All Doing Our Best To Figure Life Out.

2. I am NOT perfect.  One of the main reasons I don't like talking about this is because of this fact.  I have realized in very real ways that our lack of perfection steals our courage.  

So, I am here to answer one question and one question only: 

Why do >> I << choose to not use birth control?

I could give tons of reasons but I really just want to add to this conversation by giving an analogy that I feel best explains it for me.

Remember these analogies back in grade school?  Weren't they great? Am I stalling?

Ok, so you know how there are these diet pills out there that claim that you can eat whatever you want, and if you just take this pill, you won't gain weight?  We usually laugh at them, right?  Let's imagine that one day they actually make something that Actually Works.  It is truly a miracle of science.  

{photo credit}

The drug encapsulates all of the extra calories you don't need and passes them through your system instead of letting your body absorb them. And like I said - let's imagine that this actually works, and better yet - nobody laughs at it anymore and it becomes socially acceptable for everyone to use.  Would I use it?

For the same reason I am confident I would not take this pill, is why I don't use birth control.  I feel like our bodies are made in an amazingly ingenious way.  We are hungry, we eat food, it nourishes our body, we find enjoyment and pleasure in it, we sustain life.  But there are rules to eating - natural consequences that we all know about.  I can't eat donuts all day or I will feel sick.  If I never eat a vegetable I will have vitamin and mineral deficiencies and my body won't work to it's potential.  And if I eat more food than I need to fuel my activity I will gain weight. 

This is not a perfect analogy, but I feel like it is very similar to sex - with it we build a strong relationship and bond with our life-long partner, our families are blessed by this strong relationship (not to minimize what else goes into a good relationship), and the entire human race is sustained when new life is formed.  But there are rules with sex also.  A woman's reproductive system usually runs on a 28-35 day cycle.  If we have sex on a day that we are fertile, it is very possible and likely we will create a life. And if we have sex on an infertile day it is very likely we will not create a life.  These are natural consequences.

Therefore, I am the type of person that likes to let the world work as it was meant to because I believe the world was made in a very specific, beautiful, smart way that has my best intentions at heart. I think that going against how the world was made can lead to some serious consequences.  I get sick from eating too many donuts because hey - I shouldn't be eating so many donuts.  And I would have a hangover after drinking too much and hurting my liver.  And I would likely contract an STD if I had sex with 30 people (even if I used a condom.)

I think natural consequences teach us things.  They teach us prudence, temperance, justice and courage...and I want all of those things.

Lastly, as I think about teaching my daughter about the natural consequences in life, I can't help but feel silly at the thought of telling her when she's 16: honey, I really hope and suggest you wait to have sex with your future husband, but if you don't wait, at least use a condom to hopefully! avoid the consequences. 

Let's imagine for a moment that I do tell her that, and the birth control fails (which happens alllll the time - do you remember where I used to work?) and she gets pregnant.  

{photo credit}

Will I feel even sillier because her whole life I was telling her that if she hits a dog it will bite her, and if she refuses to eat what's on her plate she'll go hungry, and if she doesn't study she'll fail her class, and if she doesn't change the oil in her car the engine will fail, and if she is late for work too many times she will get fired?  Yes. I will feel incredibly silly that I taught her about consequences except in this one little tiny instance - in that thing that has eternal consequences.  Creating a life won't just effect your whole entire lifetime (in a really awesome and beautiful way).   It is of eternal, awesome, consequence when you create a life - that has a soul - that will live forever.  

Sex is a big deal.

I think that's how awesome and important it is to pay attention to how we are made, and respect it.

Five One-Piece Swimsuits Under $50!

Hello from the new-to-me world of stay at home motherhood! 

After finishing a big furniture rehab project (post to come), planning and throwing a bridal shower for a good friend, and doing random things all day that I swear keep me busy but have no tangible outcome, I decided it was time for my annual "one-new-swimsuit-for-the-season" search.

Early you might think? Noo..it's never too early.

But, one thing has changed this year.  I'm finally taking the plunge into the one-piece swimsuit category.  

Not because I'm self conscious about my body or think I won't look ok in a bikini; Not because I am going to start dressing like "a mom;" but because of a thought I've had for years (that - "I feel like I'm wearing my bra and underwear in public, anyone else? no?" thought), and a video I watched about 8 months ago, that I'm sure you've seen or heard about, that finally convinced me to change how I "suited up", at least in public.

My friend and fellow-blogger Aubrey over at Parenting the Pipsqueak wrote a post about modesty last June with the video linked also, so I definitely have her to thank for indirectly showing it to me!

I'm not going to get into the modesty discussion right now, but since there are many reasons a girl needs a good one-piece, I thought I'd share some great, budget-friendly finds from the online shopping kick I was on this weekend!   (Warning: Healthy Happy Home is fa-har from a fashion blog.)  

And with that:

1.

J.Crew's Watercolor Ruched Halter Tank

On sale for $44.99!

I love the colors of this one, and the ruched halter.  And since it's J.Crew you know it's great quality.

2.
Land's End Paisley Bandeau Tunic Top 
On sale starting at $45.50!
I'm not an expert but I think tunic tops are so flattering - they totally elongate your torso, and this one also has the ruched sides which are also super flattering.

3.
Loft's Colorblock Bandeau
Originally $79.50 but their 40% Off Sale right now (4peeps is the online discount code) brings it to
$47.70!
Once again, I'm not an expert, but the white stripe totally accentuates the smallest part of her torso. Aka. it looks great.

4 .
Loft's Striped Tie Waist One-Piece
Same as above...$44.70 after you use the online discount code!
I love, love blouson / tie waist suits.  What a great idea for when you don't want the suit to be skin tight but you still want to look cute.

5. 
Old Navy's Black and White Print Swimsuit
$29.94
I'm a big fan of the halter tie, and I've "heard" that black swimsuits are in this season.

BONUS: #6.
I love the blouson tops so much, I had to add another one . It's super simple, but as shown in the picture, it goes great with a different color / patterned bottom that you probably already have, and is, say it with me, "So flattering."  

Land's End Scoopneck Blouson Tankini Top
On sale for $55.20, a tiny bit over our $50 goal, but hey - it's a staple if you ask me!  Especially for moms like me who plan on getting pregnant again and living that "secretly pregnant," look, to the early "I'm pregnant but it just look like I gained $10 lbs" look, to the "I just had a baby" look at some time or another. Just sayin. :)

I hope you like these picks, and find a great suit for this summer's beach and pool-side fun!  I'm linking up with Hallie over at Moxy Wife - now go and check out the other 5 Favorites!

Mia's Birth Story

Alright kids, get some popcorn and settle in.  31 hours post broken water, and almost zero sleep for 48, Mia finally came. Here's how it went down.

Wednesday, May 8^th

Today my “bloody show” (if you will) started coming out ever so slowly.  

I didn’t tell Joel till the end of the day.  I knew it might not mean anything…I knew this could last days or weeks.  We were 17 days from my due date.   The majority of first time births come 8 days past the due date, my natural childbirth instructor taught us.  We were mentally prepared for, and expecting to go 26 more days.

Thursday, May 9^th

I woke up feeling a little weird.  I took a shower, and in a split second I saw the entire rest of my “show” come out and go down the drain.  Later I sat at my breakfast bar stool watching Joel make his breakfast, told him what I just saw, and that I felt weird. 

I went to work like normal, but still feeling this weirdness (I really can’t think of another way to put it), I also felt a surge of focus and adrenaline.  I decided to knock off everything on my pre-baby to-do list today – something I planned on taking at least another week. I worked harder and more focused than I think I ever have ...“work nesting” we’ll call it.  As I finished up for the day, I even wiped down and dusted my desk area and completely de-cluttered – something I only do on non-busy Fridays or before a big vacation.

I came home and got about 50 more things done, including reading the entire car seat manual and installing it – for the first time.  I left it in the car, and Joel and I joked that driving around with an empty car seat would be “like practice.”

Joel got to bed at 10, and I stayed up trying to come off of my adrenaline rush.  I finally felt tired around 11:30 and got into bed.  While I’m trying to fall asleep I felt some light cramps.  All the sudden I feel a sharp pain at what feels like my cervix (I have no idea).  I winced out loud and Joel woke up and whispers, “what?”  I say “nothing.”  Twenty seconds later I feel a gush of fluid, that scene my birth instructor said “only happens in movies.”  I got up from bed and tried to walk the 8 steps to the bathroom with my knees together (as successfully as you can imagine) and started saying “shit” over and over.  By this time Joel has sat up and says impatiently “What!” 

“Well, my water broke.”

And all of the sudden, we have Zero idea what to do.  Our class’s “scenario generator” had little to say about the rare water-breaking-before-labor-beginning situation.  Again…only in movies does this happen, they say.

We couldn’t figure out- does this mean we go straight to the hospital?  Or do we wait it out here?  What the heck do we do?

Friday, May 10^th

We called our Doula at midnight, who happened to be at another birth.  The Luck! She told us to stick around home and get some rest for as long as possible.  So that is what we did….not do.

I went to sit on a pile of towels on our recliner, to save our Westin Heavenly from any more fluids.  Which, by the way, kept coming out. And out. And out. This, I did not expect nor did I read ANYWhere, thankyouverymuch every “The Top 10 Things Nobody Tells You About Childbirth” blog posts / childbirth class / the internet.

I tried to fall asleep but of course couldn’t.  Contractions were coming every 7-25 minutes…very irregular, and what I know now by comparison to be “mildly” painful.  I urged Joel – who has, like, a black belt in falling asleep, to get as much sleep as he can (after a pre-emptive Gatorade run to the apparently  “sketchy-ass” 7-11). 

He went into the bedroom, and I emailed all my co-workers every tiny detail I could think of for all the things I had left hanging.   Twenty minutes later Joel came out with the baby name book.

“Should we pick out some middle names?” he asked.  “No sleep??” I asked.  Obviously not.

We did not know the baby’s sex, so we had 2 boy and 2 girl names picked out.  We had not, however, decided on any middle names just yet.  So, we went through the book and picked out a middle name for each of our 4 options while I ate ¾ box of dry Life Cereal from my chair.  At about this time I remember that the car seat is all ready to go and congratulate myself on some dang good timing.

Needless to say we got little sleep that night…Joel about 3 hours, myself about half that.

We called my OB at 6am.  He was not on call this weekend, but assured us that he’d be as present as possible.  He knows we want to go the natural route, and from what we could tell, he also knows that the OB on call would not be as “excited” about this birth plan.  Bless him.

He told us to come into the hospital at 10am.  We knew we wanted to wait as loooong as possible before going in, and after greeting neighbors on a walk around the hood, we went in around 11:30am. 

Our doula, after getting about 3 hours of sleep after attending a birth the night before, meets us in triage and we all “hang out” trying to get my labor to progress.  I make many lunging trips around triage, go up and down the stairs, and stop for breaks to watch the Mother’s Day edition of Ellen – how appropriate.  My contractions weren’t really doing anything different, which obviously nobody liked. 

 Here's us with our snacks in triage, and me not near real labor.

Four hours later a Labor and Delivery room finally opened up and we got to settle in.  We had a nurse there who was an angel from heaven – an L&D veteran who loved a good natural birth.  She encouraged everything to try to progress labor, and I mean “everything”, if you know what I mean.  “Surprisingly” I wasn’t in the mood, I told her. 

It was 6:30pm and my OB had been encouraging us to take some Pitocin to get labor to progress for the past 3 hours (progression at this point is imperative since my water broke and there was a risk for infection, which is dangerous for the baby).  We finally gave in after some delay tactics, (and after he came in to talk it through face-to-face to make sure we weren’t trying to be idiots by going “all natural” for the hell of it) and compromised on using less Pitocin, less often than standard procedure.

This is when labor really began.  We put Pandora on Ingrid Michaelson (after a failed Dave Matthews Band attempt) and got to work.  I do not remember one contraction where I didn’t have 4 hands touching my body…rubbing my back, arms, neck, hips, etc.  Joel and Laura – the doula- put in some work.  When they say natural childbirth is hard work, it is truly hard work for all involved.

I put some serious miles on that birth ball.

Saturday, May 11^th

Around 2am things started heating up more and Laura set up the bath for me and Joel to get in and try some bath laboring.  She set up fake candles to create a peaceful space and we got in, and all I could think about was how much this sucked. I could feel Joel behind me and I could tell he was getting incredibly uncomfortable in this warm tub.  He got out, and I get into a position facing the side, and Laura came and sat outside the tub rubbing my back while I labored some more.

At this point Joel came back and asked if it would be OK if he called somebody to come help for a bit…I can tell he is getting weary.  Of course, I said, and we make a short list of the people he will call until someone answers. 

My good friend Chariti came. It was 3am.  Joel put on some headphones (with my blessing!) and closed his eyes on the padded bench in our room and got a 30 minute rest.  I knew that the more rested he could be the better help he would be to me.  And, I could tell he was about to break.  I would have too, if I had the choice.  There was just no getting out of this for me.  Later he tells me that right before this point he was reciting our wedding vows in his head…he said he could really feel the “for better or worse” part… the duty and love required in marriage.

Chariti stayed for about 2 hours I think.  I remember her coming while I was still in the bath, and she was outside the bathroom chatting with the nurse about her weekend.  I remember feeling that weird “child-birth-zilla” moment and almost – almost – told her to stop talking because it was distracting and annoying me.  I remember thinking – yep – this is mid-to-late labor, when you can’t stand to hear somebody just “chit chat” in the other room.  I almost laughed but of course, did not.

I instead looked up at Laura and asked her how much longer this would take.  She said maybe about 3 hours, maybe more, and I LOST it.  “I cannot do this for that long” I whined to her like a child.  I started talking about getting an epidural and she told me that I can get one if I want.  I knew this was up to me…Joel came in and I told him the same, and he tells me the same – whatever I want. 

What I really want is for somebody to come and give me a C-section and get this over with, I secretly thought.  I decided to just keep going.  I reminded myself of my reasons (better recovery, better start to breastfeeding, less chance of a c-section), which helped a little...but not much.

I moved to the bed and was there for about 2 hours in all positions…contractions on top of contractions, with no time to breathe and rest in between like I had been promised in all of my classes….thanks to the Pitocin, like I had been warned. 

During one particularly tough contraction I heard Joel’s phone ring.  He picked it up (while standing next to me holding a hand-held fan up to my face) and I could not believe my eyes.  I tell him with big wide “I mean it” eyes to “Get Off The Phone,” using the nicest “I’m in labor so do what I tell you” tone I could muster.  He told me later that day that it was my dad on the phone, and everyone was worried since things were “taking so long.”  

I’ll forgive him this once.

The sun finally came up, and I felt like I needed to push.  I get the go-ahead and I must tell you that even at this very moment, I did not think the baby would come out of my body.  I was so beat down, and so exhausted, with my legs shaking and my husband feeding me water and honey from those tiny straws on demand, and me begging that his small hand-held fan never leave my face, I really believed that this would go on forever…this horrible, horrible Pitocin induced labor. 

I finally feel hope when the nurses come in and prepare for a birth without the OB.  Maybe, just maybe, this would finally stop.

Then all of the sudden, my OB comes in – wearing a ball cap, running shoes and workout clothes.  He says that he can be here for the next 20 minutes, but then has to go meet his daughter for a 5K race they are doing together downtown.

He slipped on booties over his shoes, and sat down in front of me (I am on my back – the one position I swore I would not be in to give birth) and I immediately begged him to make sure I don’t tear (after all this, I still ask..I know).  His assistant starts dripping oil on me like she's sprinkling fairy dust, and my doctor impatiently takes the oil from her hand and dumps the entire contents on me.

I finally understand how women who have given birth lose all sense of shame.    

I push through 2 contractions, and the baby is finally here, placed on top of me immediately.  7:23am.  At this point I cannot believe my eyes, so relieved that this is finally over. 

After about 30 seconds of me repeating “oh my gosh” Joel finally interjects and asks – “so – what is it??”  All of the doctors and nurses erupt in a chorus of “I didn’t see it, did you?”  Dr. Chavira finally picks up the baby and announces – “It’s a girl!”

It’s a girl.  What I secretly wanted and will only admit this now to you, on the internet.

Yes that is a D.A.R.E.shirt on my husband. And no, we did not plan that to coincide with a "drug-free" birth.

Dr. Chavira tells me I didn’t need any stiches and I am relieved (and thank my 6lb baby girl).  He came over to me, we said a Hail Mary and our good byes, and he headed out the door to the 5K.  His ball cap was on his head the entire time.

For the next few minutes the baby and I worked on breastfeeding and staying warm, and Joel finally looked over at me and says-slash-asks “She looks like a Mia (?)” and I instantly concur.

One thing I was surprised about was that I didn’t cry when  I first saw her (I'm sort of a crier).  I think I was too “shell-shocked.”  Later that day Joel and I have a moment alone with our sleeping Mia, and I bury my head in his chest and say behind tears “That. Was so. Traumatic.”  I really, at this moment, thought it was the hardest, most traumatic experience of my life…something I couldn’t possibly do again.

Looking back on it now, and hearing many other birth stories since, I realize it was par for the course when it comes to natural births.  And after meeting with our class participants and all their new babies, I learned that we were only 2 out of 5 that actually went natural like planned.  Childbirth is crazy!

Since that day I have felt the “trauma” less and less.  And I will do it again.  Yes! Let’s do it again. Maybe… with an epidural next time :)

Mia -  1 day old, on Mother's Day

Womanhood

One of the things I’ve had to submit recently was my “profile,” which consisted of a few questions, one of which being  - What is your favorite quote?

So I thought it was a great opportunity, since I don’t really have a Favorite, favorite, to really pick out a good quote that I love that not a lot of people have heard.  So…you’ll have to wait for my real (much shorter) answer till the pageant of course, but here was the runner up:

“To a great extent, the level of any civilization is the level of its womanhood.  When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her.  The higher her virtue, the more her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her…” – Bishop Fulton Sheen

This is one of my favorite quotes, and especially for this situation, because a) it speaks about the value of a virtuous woman, b) pageants are all about “womanhood”, c) a man said the quote, d) women need to hear things like this every once-in-a-while to remember our influence, d) I think it also goes both ways… “better men” in society will also lead to “better women”, e) this has a lot to do with what I am “standing for” in this pageant…what is true womanhood, what is true beauty, etc. 

There was also a good quote I almost chose relating to this from Proverbs 31:30… “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”  I think keeping our “beauty” in perspective of our other strengths, virtues, values, etc. is one of the key ingredients to real beauty.

And a key ingredient to real womanhood?  Respectable Undergarments.  So I went over to the house of this lady, as sweet and innocent as my grandmother….wait, I mean I went over to the house of this lady as sweet as my grandmother and also innocent, (you know what I'm talking about, Grandma), to get my evening gown fitted.  She brought me in to her sewing room and without a blink, said “Ok let’s put your dress on.”  I said, “umm, just right here?”  She replied, “Yup. Don’t worry – nobody’s home.”   I mean…ok.   Pretending like this was standard protocol, I got to business.  And literally as my skirt hit the floor I thanked God and my Mother for teaching me to wear respectable underwear.  Let's be serious...there is more than one worst-case scenario floating around in your heads right now.