Dakota's Birth Story

Well well well, look who decided to make an appearance.

Ahem.

It's been a while, eh?  At any rate, I am glad you are here.  I'm glad to BE here. We have a lot to catch up on, so I thought I'd start with a story. 

A BIRTH story.  In some ways very similar to the birth of Mia, and in many ways, different. Here goes.

{The way I tell a birth story, personal details are included. Continue at your own risk! :) }

Me and all my glory, about 37 weeks pregnant

I had decided fairly early on in this pregnancy that I wanted to try using a midwifery practice for my prenatal care + birth, vs. a standard OBGYN.  I really liked my OB, but with my crunchy friendships rubbing off on me (ha) and my continued desire to go for another natural, unmedicated birth, I went with the midwives at Bethany Womens Center.  I really liked them!

Some other interesting notations:
--We did not know the sex of the baby (so hard! and exciting!)
--Mia, 2 yrs 2 months, was SO ExCITED about the baby coming. She had some serious baby fever. We were almost just as excited to see Mia meet her new brother or sister, as we were to meet him/her ourselves.

Playing with her favorite little baby at our cousin's house, just before her sister was born.

So...Midwife appointment on Tuesday, July 7th, 39 weeks pregnant, I decided to let them check me to see if anything was happening.  I turned out to be about 1-2 cm dilated, +2 (which was a little crazy), and the head was posterior.  They told me to go home and do a lot of hands-and-knees positions to get the baby to flip.  I was a little nervous and went home and read the spinning babies website about 10 times over...from on my hands and knees position on the floor.

I had been having irregular braxton hicks contractions for a few weeks now, which was different than with Mia - with her I had zero BH contractions.

I decided to go to my chiropractor to see if that might help with the baby's position.  I didn't get an appointment until Thursday morning, but after I was adjusted I felt hopeful that it would help. After Mia's nap that afternoon, I took her to the Biltmore outdoor shopping mall and even though it was super hot, we walked around under the misters spraying us with that glorious mist, and I walked and walked and walked, and I felt a bunch of BH contractions. After that we went home and during dinner I thought it seemed like the contractions were getting more regular.  I thought it was something to note, but I didn't get my hopes up.  I DID get some things in order, just in case, including recording and posting a podcast episode - which funny enough was of me reading Mia's birth story.

I went to bed at about 11 pm that night, but couldn't sleep at all through the contractions.  I kept track of their timing and noted they were between 7-15 minutes apart.  At every contraction I felt the urge, whether it was mentally because I thought it would help, or my body was telling me physically, to get on my hands and knees. 

After sleeping from 1-3am I was back up with the contractions, same story, 7-15 minutes apart, never more, never less.

When Joel woke up for the day on Friday I told him what was going on and we both decided he should probably stay home from work.  If nothing else, I was going to need help with Mia since I got only 2 hours of sleep and who knew what was going to happen with the contractions.

I slept one more time that day from 10am-noon, which was either due to my body letting up on the contractions or me just sleeping through them.

As the afternoon wore on, I was beginning to realize that I wasn't really able to talk through the contractions and I vaguely remembered in my childbirth class from before Mia was born that it was a sign they were probably real contractions.  I remember specifically needing to stop in the middle of reading a book to Mia to breathe through a contraction, and made a mental note of it but just kept on.

I had spoken with my doula Laura earlier that day about what was going on and she told me that, of course, it could be 2 hours, or 12 hours, or a whole week of this type of thing, and to just keep getting as much rest as possible.  

Honestly, that was not really the news I wanted to hear, no matter how true it was.  I hoped and hoped and prayed it would not be a week of this! 

Before dinner that evening we had a great time sitting outside on our front lawn as the sun set and the heat let up.  Contractions continued the exact same, 7-15 minutes, no talking during. We chatted with our neighbors, and even got some ice cream from the ice cream truck! I was sooo excited about the ice cream sundae cone my neighbor bought for me, I don't even want to TELL you that my husband ate it a week later, thinking I had forgotten about it. Which I did. Until I didn't.  And then it wasn't there.  
#husbandfail
#justsayin

#moving on

At 9pm that night I was getting a tiny bit exhausted.  And by a tiny bit, I mean, break-down-crying-mode.  I posted in my close mama friends' Facebook group that I was getting disheartened by this, (and got so much encouragement from them!) expecting to not sleep again that night with the possibility that this could go on for days.  I was so mentally and physically tired, and the contractions were getting worse.  It is so funny as I look back on it now, how obvious it was that labor was progressing.  Joel even tried to explain it to me, reminding me of all the signs that it seemed like it was progressing.  But it just didn't click in the moment. I think I was just trying to prepare myself for the long haul, just in case.

So we went to bed about 10pm and same thing as the night before, no sleep was had.  However, I did start to feel a little different.  It felt like something was churning inside me, and honestly I was hoping for a BM, knowing that that would also be a sign of progression and getting closer to the finish line.  After some 7 minute contractions, I was so relieved when I had to get up out of bed to have a BM.  

It was 1:00am.  I went to the bathroom, and after I was finished I immediately had a strong contraction.  I stayed in the bathroom and leaned against the tub on my knees, and when it was over I waited a few minutes to get back up, but wait! 4 minutes later, another hard contraction.  And then another one 4 minutes later. and then another 4 minutes later.  and then a 5th contraction, exactly 4 minutes later and I'm all like WHAAT?
We're at 4 Minutes???  But I was going to go to the hospital when they were 5 minutes apart. Are we already at 4 minutes apart? Surely this isn't happening.

I went back to bed, still leaving Joel to sleep since he was more useful to me well-rested and I really didn't feel like I needed him with the actual labor yet.  But I told myself, if there is a 6th contraction at 4 minutes apart, I better wake him, aaaannnndddd we should probably get going.

So I laid in bed and sure enough, 4 minutes and the 6th one came. And of course I thought that during this contraction would be a good time to tell him about it so I woke him up with my heavy breathing and whisper-yelling his name.  He was totally dazed at what was going on.  I told him I thought we needed to call our doula and see if we should go in.  Just as he dialed the phone and tried handing it to me, I was realizing that I was having a contraction on top of my previous contraction (no break), and I thought I was going to throw up so I crawled over to the garbage can and stuck my head inside. 

So Joel is on the phone with the doula, it's 1:30, trying his hardest to explain what was going on, with much some back-and-forth about if we should go in or not. (You see I have this thing, where I hate being of any trouble to people, so I sometimes do irrational things. Like saying maybe I wasn't in labor yet, and maybe she didn't need to come meet us at the hospital just yet, when my contractions were continuously 4 minutes apart and my head was in a trash can.)

So the doula, kind and wise as she is, said it was time to go in, and that she'd meet us at the hospital.

Funny enough, Joel nor I had finished packing our hospital bags yet (cue forehead smack), so we flurried around our room packing up. Joel had called our neighbor who had agreed to watch Mia when we needed to go into the hospital.  (Yes, she's the best.)  

I had a few more contractions (always going back to the floor to be on my hands and knees) while we waited for our neighbor to come over, and then we hit the road.  I was in the back seat so I could continue the hands-and-knees position, and Joel loves to chuckle at the memory of me next to the infant car seat in the back, which had a toy hooked up to it from it's previous tenant, and every couple minutes I would bump it by accident and it would start playing this stuuuupid song.  And even in the moment, we laughed about it just a little bit.

As Joel is pulling into the parking lot at 1:50, he asks if he should drop me off at the front, and I tell him emphatically no, I will be totally fine, and in my head I am thinking I have tons of walking ahead of me, so might as well get some steps in.

Well we park and grab our stuff, and 10 steps in the middle of the parking lot I am hunched over in a contraction, unable to move.  A car even drives in at this point, and it was just like one of those scenes from a movie.  Joel told me he should have dropped me off.

We walk in, another stop to contract, and up to L&D we go.

Laura was already there waiting for us, and wow I realized in that moment how much I needed to see her!  She immediately started rubbing my back in this way that, I swear, only another woman can, and I immediately felt better.  It's like when you're sick and no matter how old you are, you just want your mom to come and take care of you.  That's how I feel about my doula.  She's like my mom, taking care of me like no one else can, in my greatest time of need, with the most knowing and calming touch.

So, I hadn't preregistered (what am I, knew at this???), so I had to go and fill out some crazy stupid paperwork.  And I kid you not, the women checking me in, I swear, had never seen a woman in labor before.   I think it was her first day on the job.  She was chatting away, dilly-dallying, taking her time, asking me to rePEAT myself, all this nonsense and there's me, leaning against her desk having multiple contractions, palms so sweaty they are leaving puddles on her desk, and she doesn't doesn't realize I need to G. O.  GO!, and that I would give her my phone number and correct area code and properly spelled maiden name LATER.  It was so hilarious and frustrating at the same time. I even had to take my photo to put on my arm band, and she waited and waited to take it, waiting for me to smile but then realized I wasn't going to.   HA! I have kept the arm band as charming memorabilia.



So paperwork, correct contact information, and favorite color have been accounted for (etc.) and we move into triage to see where I was at. More contractions come as we wait, and I again feel nauseous and do some dry heaving, which takes me back to memories of Mia's birth, dry heaving within maybe an hour of giving birth to her.  The attending OB comes in and I am so nervous that he is going to inadvertently slow down my labor, but he ends up being the nicest, kindest, gentlest OB ever, telling me a story of the birth of his grand child and totally putting me at ease.  He checks me and I am 8cm (!!!) and I was so relieved!! Oh my goodness, so relieved I had progressed so much and it was (hopefully) near the end.  He said the baby's head was in the correct position, but the neck was tilted up slightly which would probably, he said, make for some extra labor time.

Then it was time to get into our L&D room and again, I was feeling like I needed to get some steps in, but 3 seconds after I stand up and have to stop walking to contract, Joel finally cuts the nonsense and tells me it's time to get a wheelchair and I concede.

We got into our room around 2:40 and quite soon after arriving, I'm already feeling like it's going to be time to push soon.  I told the nurses this, who were busy setting the room set up for labor, but it seemed like nobody really took my word for it except my doula, who is also a newly minted midwife and knew that I probably remember what it felt like to have to push a baby out.

At this point I also felt like I had to pee but I knew I didn't really have to - it was probably all of the pressure I was feeling. Then my water broke, and my midwife and I knew we were super close.

I asked the nurse in the room if she was ready to deliver the baby (since the OB, nor my midwife, were there yet) and she assured me she had done this before.  I was quite annoyed and didn't think she believed me that I was about to push the baby out. Laura immediately grabbed a pair of gloves, preparing to catch a baby if she had to.   Also, the bed wasn't set up for birth, so I'm just laying in the regular ol' hospital bed still!

A minute later, as I'm trying to keep my legs together and keep the baby in so the OB could get there in time, in he came and I started pushing as soon as the next urge came.  It took about 2-3 pushes, and a one-minute stint at the crowning point (owweeee this part hurt much more than with Mia, who was a pound lighter at birth), and she was here!

It all went so fast, nobody including us could really believe it.  It was 3:02am, exactly 2 hours after my contractions sped up to 4 minutes apart and I realized I was in actual labor.







Dakota Therese was 6 lbs, 15 oz.  She looked just like her sister, and I remember thinking it is so weird that she looked the same! The main difference is their eye shape (Mia's are much bigger and rounder), and Dakota's hair is curly. 

She was so sweet, she nursed for about 40 minutes right away, and slept like a champ.  

After that we called our parents, who were just getting up in the Eastern and Central time zones. Everyone (including us) was so surprised she was already here, based on the last experience of the loooong labor over two nights and a day.

When we made it home the next day, Mia finally got to meet her new baby sister...

It has been so fun to see them grow together and love each other!! Mia definitely can't get enough of her sister, always wanting to touch / hold / tackle / steamroll / cuddle / play with her.  And Dakota is understanding more and more where the party is at.  We are having fun with these sweet girls!!

                     

                      

  

Why I don't use birth control {in an analogy}

If any of you know me very well, you know I am not much of an instigator or a lover of controversy. I like to keep things easy to digest, light-hearted and agreeable to the masses.  For the most part, I think it is very hard to convey emotionally charged ideas in the perfect context, tone, etc. over the internet so I usually avoid it.

I guess today I'm feeling differently.  Maybe it's because I was so annoyed at much of the media's misrepresentation of the Hobby Lobby verdict recently (<< this link is fine, on the other hand).  

Or maybe it's because of Buzzfeed's post on Wednesday that brought the question "why we use birth control" to the table. 

Or maybe it's to join this conversation about why some of us choose not to use birth control.

[Update: Here's another great list from a Buzzfeed Community post!]

At any rate, here I am.  I understand I am probably preaching to the choir since I know many of my readers are in the same boat as me. But here I go anyway.  I just have two huge disclaimers: 

1. I do not think you are a bad person if you use birth control. We are all trying to make the best decisions for ourselves and our families, and decisions around sex are very very very very very personal.  Again.  We Are All Doing Our Best To Figure Life Out.

2. I am NOT perfect.  One of the main reasons I don't like talking about this is because of this fact.  I have realized in very real ways that our lack of perfection steals our courage.  

So, I am here to answer one question and one question only: 

Why do >> I << choose to not use birth control?

I could give tons of reasons but I really just want to add to this conversation by giving an analogy that I feel best explains it for me.

Remember these analogies back in grade school?  Weren't they great? Am I stalling?

Ok, so you know how there are these diet pills out there that claim that you can eat whatever you want, and if you just take this pill, you won't gain weight?  We usually laugh at them, right?  Let's imagine that one day they actually make something that Actually Works.  It is truly a miracle of science.  

{photo credit}

The drug encapsulates all of the extra calories you don't need and passes them through your system instead of letting your body absorb them. And like I said - let's imagine that this actually works, and better yet - nobody laughs at it anymore and it becomes socially acceptable for everyone to use.  Would I use it?

For the same reason I am confident I would not take this pill, is why I don't use birth control.  I feel like our bodies are made in an amazingly ingenious way.  We are hungry, we eat food, it nourishes our body, we find enjoyment and pleasure in it, we sustain life.  But there are rules to eating - natural consequences that we all know about.  I can't eat donuts all day or I will feel sick.  If I never eat a vegetable I will have vitamin and mineral deficiencies and my body won't work to it's potential.  And if I eat more food than I need to fuel my activity I will gain weight. 

This is not a perfect analogy, but I feel like it is very similar to sex - with it we build a strong relationship and bond with our life-long partner, our families are blessed by this strong relationship (not to minimize what else goes into a good relationship), and the entire human race is sustained when new life is formed.  But there are rules with sex also.  A woman's reproductive system usually runs on a 28-35 day cycle.  If we have sex on a day that we are fertile, it is very possible and likely we will create a life. And if we have sex on an infertile day it is very likely we will not create a life.  These are natural consequences.

Therefore, I am the type of person that likes to let the world work as it was meant to because I believe the world was made in a very specific, beautiful, smart way that has my best intentions at heart. I think that going against how the world was made can lead to some serious consequences.  I get sick from eating too many donuts because hey - I shouldn't be eating so many donuts.  And I would have a hangover after drinking too much and hurting my liver.  And I would likely contract an STD if I had sex with 30 people (even if I used a condom.)

I think natural consequences teach us things.  They teach us prudence, temperance, justice and courage...and I want all of those things.

Lastly, as I think about teaching my daughter about the natural consequences in life, I can't help but feel silly at the thought of telling her when she's 16: honey, I really hope and suggest you wait to have sex with your future husband, but if you don't wait, at least use a condom to hopefully! avoid the consequences. 

Let's imagine for a moment that I do tell her that, and the birth control fails (which happens alllll the time - do you remember where I used to work?) and she gets pregnant.  

{photo credit}

Will I feel even sillier because her whole life I was telling her that if she hits a dog it will bite her, and if she refuses to eat what's on her plate she'll go hungry, and if she doesn't study she'll fail her class, and if she doesn't change the oil in her car the engine will fail, and if she is late for work too many times she will get fired?  Yes. I will feel incredibly silly that I taught her about consequences except in this one little tiny instance - in that thing that has eternal consequences.  Creating a life won't just effect your whole entire lifetime (in a really awesome and beautiful way).   It is of eternal, awesome, consequence when you create a life - that has a soul - that will live forever.  

Sex is a big deal.

I think that's how awesome and important it is to pay attention to how we are made, and respect it.

A Guest Post, an Anniversary, and Bangs

Hello!
I have two things to talk about today,

#1. Today Joel and I celebrate our 2nd Anniversary!

SUCCESS!

We plan on celebrating this weekend, when a) it's the weekend, and b) it feels a little more like our anniversary anyway, since we were married the Saturday after Thanksgiving, which feels more accurate and festive than a Tuesday.

I hope it includes a great cocktail, and a babysitter.

Here are two of my favorite photos from the day...

About 96% of this event was DIY.  Maybe a post in the future about the details?  Yes, I think so.

Well, I love my husband and I feel like we've been married forever (in a good way). 

This girl <<-- 
She's lucky.

Though, come to think of it, I just learned something new about Joel last night - he uses the small spoon for his soup instead of the big spoon.  But he uses a big fork instead of the small fork for regular meals.  He's just full of surprises, that guy.

Ok Ok on to #2) I wrote a "guest post" over at the Maggie's Place Blog - check it out if you're interested!  Here is a quote from the post, which is actually me quoting Elizabeth over at Lark & Bloom:

“We don’t love so that we have great stories of happy endings. We love people because God loves them, and that is reason enough.”

And here is another throw-back photo that went with the post.  For a tutorial on bangs, you'll have to ask the little one. I gave up soon after this photo.

circa 2008

I hope everyone has an awesome Thanksgiving!  We'll be celebrating the day here in Phoenix, and I don't know if it will ever get easier celebrating a holiday away from our immediate family, but at least the forecast is for 72 degrees every. single. day this weekend!  And of course we have our amazing adopted family here to spend the day with.

What a lot to be thankful for this year.  Have a great day!