The Fine Print

It's time to review some of those "possible" side effects that are often associated with being a pageant contestant.

• Unexpected removal problems of fake eye lash experiments may lead to late arrival to work in the morning.
• Keeping lotion on hand 24/7 because of a last-ditch effort for Silky Smooth Skin may lead to multiple explosions and/or leaks at inconvenient times on inconvenient items.
• Busy-ness surrounding multiple work-outs, grocery shopping, fitting appointments, etc., may lead to forgetfulness in important matters such as packing a bra for a 2 1/2 day business trip.
• Packing for multiple workouts for a 2 1/2 day business trip, while also wearing workout clothes more often, may lead to having obnoxiously bright-colored sports-bras on hand to wear in case packing issues may occur.
• Some situations may cause you to seriously consider the social acceptability of either bright sports-bra visibility or "nothing at all" in a business meeting setting.
• Having an abundance of protein powder on hand may inadvertently lead to a second career in (illegal) individual serving sales.
• Discussing macro-nutrient breakdowns of your diet with a baby-boomer, especially revealing the amount of (healthy) fat you may be taking in, may cause them to wrongfully deduce this means an increase in potato chip consumption.
• Bedtime dreams may or may not reveal subconscious fears about stage-readiness; each dream will most likely involve the only stage you have ever been on, including small-town high school gym stages.
• Adding a few two-a-day workouts a week may cause you to seriously consider the importance of showering.  Even on a work day.
• On Day One of a more strict diet plan, you may spend an inordinate amount of thought on What Really Is Your Favorite Dessert that you will be eating in 6 days?
• Stomach pain may or may not result after a rapid fire consumption of a 16 oz bottle of water that you added a sugar-free Crystal Lite mix to, it being filled with aspartame and therefore making it the sweetest thing you've eaten in 4 days.

Now, if you ever consider anything similar to pageantry, you have been warned.

Womanhood

One of the things I’ve had to submit recently was my “profile,” which consisted of a few questions, one of which being  - What is your favorite quote?

So I thought it was a great opportunity, since I don’t really have a Favorite, favorite, to really pick out a good quote that I love that not a lot of people have heard.  So…you’ll have to wait for my real (much shorter) answer till the pageant of course, but here was the runner up:

“To a great extent, the level of any civilization is the level of its womanhood.  When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her.  The higher her virtue, the more her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her…” – Bishop Fulton Sheen

This is one of my favorite quotes, and especially for this situation, because a) it speaks about the value of a virtuous woman, b) pageants are all about “womanhood”, c) a man said the quote, d) women need to hear things like this every once-in-a-while to remember our influence, d) I think it also goes both ways… “better men” in society will also lead to “better women”, e) this has a lot to do with what I am “standing for” in this pageant…what is true womanhood, what is true beauty, etc. 

There was also a good quote I almost chose relating to this from Proverbs 31:30… “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”  I think keeping our “beauty” in perspective of our other strengths, virtues, values, etc. is one of the key ingredients to real beauty.

And a key ingredient to real womanhood?  Respectable Undergarments.  So I went over to the house of this lady, as sweet and innocent as my grandmother….wait, I mean I went over to the house of this lady as sweet as my grandmother and also innocent, (you know what I'm talking about, Grandma), to get my evening gown fitted.  She brought me in to her sewing room and without a blink, said “Ok let’s put your dress on.”  I said, “umm, just right here?”  She replied, “Yup. Don’t worry – nobody’s home.”   I mean…ok.   Pretending like this was standard protocol, I got to business.  And literally as my skirt hit the floor I thanked God and my Mother for teaching me to wear respectable underwear.  Let's be serious...there is more than one worst-case scenario floating around in your heads right now.